After spending the holidays with a gigantic flu in bed ( we just left briefly for the Nutcracker as we got tickets from my inlaws- which was actually an impossible act- so we had to go-even sick), I am happy to be back in the game. So I thought to share finally some thoughts and facts about my pregnancy. A journey I was postponing far too long in my humble opinion.
Being in my mid thirties, I am part of the majority of my friends who started a little family. Rarely girls in my surrounding are younger than 30. My mum was 34, my mother in law even much older.
The decision for a child is not an easy one to take. There is never the right moment and most often not the right man around. But the biological reality gives you no other chance than to pull the trigger by 35, as your reproduction is decreasing dramatically. Scientifically proven. A gazillion times. Sure, there is always IVF, but there is no guarantee that it works.
Mother nature has a plan. And this plan makes sense. As a mother you need vital energy to care about the child and your husband. Most women forget that they are still wifes, and their husband still needs attention. When growing older it is helpful if you are able to support your kids when they become parents themself. And also still live in the same reality. The way we think, communicate, feel and interact. You don’t want to become a burden when your own kids might need you the most.
On one hand I regret not becoming pregnant by the beginning of my marriage, on the other hand I wanted to have some couple time with my husband. I was torn and not really ready, as I was content with my marriage as we are still -after so many years- madly in love. We never had the feeling that there was something missing. But with the years my clock started ticking louder and at one point I knew that it’s a now or never decision. I always wanted to have a child with my husband, a son, a Capricorn. And the universe made my dreams came true.
Here are a couple of thoughts which really irritated me before getting pregnant:
Becoming a whale
I was not skinny before getting pregnant (D 38), so I was worried to transform into a helium balloon with swollen ankles and a face I don’t recognize in the mirror anymore. Being due in about 3 weeks, I can tell you it did not happen yet. I am still fine, only having a 12 kg belly attached with a slightly bigger ass and legs. I only bought some preggo jeans at H&M and some dresses at Zara.
My fear of the unknown was completely irrational. The pregnancy had a Photoshop effect. My skin got better, my eyes clearer, my hair thicker and I got this damn glow, that I don’t want to miss afterwards anymore.
I researched stretch marks and bellies online and prepared myself for the worse. The minute I found out I am pregnant, I developed cellulite. Yes, mam. Other than that I am quite ok, minor stretch marks on other areas than my belly. Who would have thought. I use the cheap but organic bellybutton oil 3-5 times a week, that’s about it.
I myself was a tough nut. My mum hat a traumatic labour, so I was always a bit scared to give birth myself. That’s why I opted for a C-section. A topic which seems to arouse almost everybody. Long discussions with many people (not only women!) showed me that it’s not that common as I thought it would be. It is def. the right decision for me, as I really want to minimize all sorts of risks involved in the process. Yes, it is a real operation, yes I might not be able to walk properly afterwards. I am aware and prepared. I started to be convinced about my choice when doing the harmony test. A test which allows you to screen your blood and find out if there are some chromosomes which indicate trisomy ( Down´s syndrome) and reveal the gender of your child already after 3 months. It costs about 900€ at Woman & Health and takes about 30 min, so I thought it is worth it. This was the only time I was nervous about a doctor’s appointment. What if the result will be positive? What if I have to make this terrible decision? This led me to the research of the various possibilities of disablements. I have learned that most deficiencies happen during birth and shortly afterwards. It was logic for me to minimize this risk factors as much as I could. Mother nature might have a different plan, but I feel more comfortable that way.
My mum always told me small kids need a lot of love, big kids need a lot of money. I can’t subscribe to that. Being privately insured, my insurance covers most of the costs. But you have to pay at the doctor first to get the money back hundred years later from the insurance. The whole pregnancy part has cost me well over 2000€ in medical bills so far. Without hospital of course. Additionally you need all the preps for the baby. Which means stroller (mine was 1500€) crib (starting with about 300€), rompers and baby clothes ( modest package about 300€ I guess) – I spent much more as my child will be a winterchild. You need a bag for baby essentials and the baby essentials of course. And don’t forget about the nursery. You will want to buy a carpet. Trust me. It’s somehow in our genes. Pregnant=buy carpet! You easily spend a small fortune until the child arrives. AND THIS WILL GO ON UNTIL HE STARTS A CAREER ON HIS OWN. Just with bigger numbers.
I was never really happy with my gynecologists. When feeling that the time is right to start a family I did some proper research online about the best doctor in my hood- and indeed- I found her. Dr. Lehner Rothe is really the best doctor thinkable and I am so very happy that I found her. If you live in Vienna, go and see her. You will never want to see another doctor in your life. I promise.
Health & Work
I had an easy pregnancy. So much said. There was no Kim K drama going on, no medical issues and no massive weight gain and also no “pregnant lips”. But the first 6 months were really tough as I was still dealing with Boulesse. The pressure started to affect me so much that I could not sleep anymore, I cried a lot and I suffered panic attacks. I showered my child with cortisol until a very traumatic day, where I pulled the trigger as my doctor told me it is time to let go as my state of mind and health was not only affecting me anymore but also my child. I felt so very sorry for the little peanut inside of me, exposing him to this toxic situation and for about a month I felt nothing but regret for not closing down much earlier. Running a venture, you give 120%. You give more you have. Bootstrapping a venture as I did, you have ignore the fact that you are a human being, there is no space for a real life. No space for your husband, your parents, or kids. There comes a point where you have to choose. You can’t have the cake and eat the cake.
Even after spending the holidays in bed I am happy. I am happy every day. I wake up happy. I go to sleep happy. I am grateful for my journey and optimistic that my child will be good to me- and understanding. Hopefully it will not remember the first 6 months and call for revenge. Lets hope for the best. This is also something that pregnancy has teached me, hoping for the best is the best option you have.