Hello again. It has been a while since I last posted and a lot has happened. Well, I gave birth to my beautiful and perfect son Laurent. Two months might not seem very long, but it feels like forever and I can barely remember the time, he hasn’t been with us. Everything hit me quite hard: the feelings and unconditional love you experience, sleep deprivation, worries and the cluelessness you have with a first born. Nothing really seems important comparing with the life of your child, nothing really matters. Not the way I feel, look or am. Nothing. But lets start right where I left you last time. Touchdown 18.01.2018, the day I checked in to my hospital. And with check in, I mean check in. As I view it more as a hotel than a hospital. As I already mentioned, having a sectio is something very exotic in Austria. Having a planned sectio at least. I have heard horror stories about what to expect, but nevertheless I felt very comfortable with the decision to give birth that way, rather than hoping for the best with a vaginal birth. I trusted my doctor 100%, who is a saint, an angle, godsend, a gift to human mankind. In case you life in Vienna, you want to see Dr. Lehner-Rothe. Not only has she delivered my brilliant child, she guided me through my pregnancy and when I came to see her first time and sharing my wish for a child and my concerns regarding my age being mid 30, she gave me so much hope and confidence that the whole experience was nothing but pleasant. I had a very easy pregnancy (with one very short troubled timeframe which was work related), so I was certain that I will have a great birth experience as well.
I decided to have my child at Döblinger Privat Krankenhaus, which is one of the two option that basically all my friends give birth at. A friend of mine had a sectio 2 days after me, so we shared our experience in the hospital. It was nice to have a friend around. So it happened that I knew two other mums there. I tried to make the whole experience as positive as possible (well, nobody enjoys to be cut open), chose a hospital wardrobe, a scent which should always remind me of the event (Cartier Baiser Volé ), magazines and music. Skip the magazines, you will not need them, trust me.
I have been told that it is possible to listen to your music during the operation, so I have chosen two titles Bent”Always” and Beyonce “Lift Up”. When checking in, it took no longer than 2 hours until I was lying on the operation table, completely tranquil, relaxed and in a good mood. I didn’t take any medication, my husband was just enough to make me feel comfortable. He joined the operation clearly as it would have never been an option for me to be on my own on that day. I was calm but excited, I thought I was prepared but honestly I wasn’t. Well, I also thought that I know what I am doing when founding my start up, which was clearly not the case.
The operation started punctually at 2.pm. For those who dont know it: you are awake and you experience the whole thing with an epidural. So you don’t feel anything your belly onwards. You know what they are doing but you dont feel anything, other than pressure towards the end, when they push the child out of the tiny whole they cut you open. At 14.09 my child was born. The nurse wrapped it and handed me our little peanut, which was kind of surreal as tadaaaahhhhhh, here is your child. Next thing I know, my husband walks away with Laurent to see the doctor to make sure all is fine. In the meantime the doctor extracted my placenta and sewed me up. My physio therapist told me, it is the best scar she has ever seen. Perhaps 10 cm long ( if at all), super low and straight. I was listening to my music or chatted with my anesthetist, who was really adorable. Like hanging out at a cocktail. Well groomed, in a good mood, with nice music and pleasant company.
I made sure to meet my son in adequate condition, so I went to the hairdresser a few days before, manicure and pedicure, massage and facial. Just because I wanted to feel as glamorous as possible as I want to be the best possible version of myself for my son. This should also be the last time for months (to feel glamouros), but luckily I didn’t know that back then. When waiting in the wake up room to feel my legs again, my husband came over with the baby and it suddenly hit me: this is my child, my son, my universe, mini me with the mini version of the love of my life. 9 months you wonder: how will he look like, how will it be to have him in your life, how will I feel being a mother, and suddenly your heart explodes of love. And nothing really matters. If he wouldn’t have been as perfect and beautiful as he is, it would not have mattered at all.
But thankfully he is. The word blessed gets another dimension, when you hold your healthy newborn in your arms. It does, it really does. And you really feel complete when you lie in bed with your husband, the person you adore most on the planet and with your little child, this miracle. Nothing is really the way it was before. Specially not the nights. Because they actually don’t exist for you anymore. This is an episode I will explain in my next posts. And my solution for that issue. I leave you here until the next post and hope that all of your experience this feeling one day.